eleven
I was eleven years old in a bright pink bathing suit
walking along the beach with my friends, sixteen and seventeen,
when a group of men three times our age started following us
getting closer and closer before my mother chased them away
if I had to describe it like a psychologist would have me, I’d say
that I could see the surf, the sand, the sun, the sky and their shadows in the corner of my eye
I could feel the sunblock on my arms, the sand on my feet, the towel beneath my arm and their eyes on the back of my neck
I could hear the crash of the waves, the seagulls screeching and their slurred voices
I could smell the salt water and the booze on their breath
and I could taste the salty flavour of fear in my mouth
although I was eleven and disgusted,
eleven and afraid,
I was eleven and lucky
Because she was nineteen
and her burned body was found dumped in a township
She was sixteen
and her rapist was treated with leniency because he was “from a good family” and college eligible
She was five years old
and left for dead in the back room of a house
she was fourteen, fifteen, twenty-three, forty-one and she was silenced
I shall not be
Because I was eleven and lucky
But she was not.
better now
there was a girl in our town
who would scratch-
and bite-
and kick-
and shout-
and make a fuss
just to get the noise inside her head to be quiet
and her parents thought - what will people think?
and her teachers thought - what will people think?
and the people thought - what will people think?
so they took her to hospitals
gave her drugs to shut her up
quiet her down
they say she's doing much better now-
she is still because she cannot move
they say she is doing much better now -
she is silent because she cannot scream
they say she is doing much better now -
she lives because she cannot die
they say she is doing much better now -
they think the noise is quiet
because they cannot hear.
Jessica Robus is a fifteen-year-old singer, songwriter, mental health advocate, and now published poet. She loves reading and writing, playing her ukulele or piano, and watching Good Mythical Morning. She aspires to be a screenwriter as well as to write songs for movie soundtracks. Her first poetry anthology, A Few Slivers of Light, published in 2021, chronicles her experience with anxiety and depression. The book can be found on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/few-slivers-light-Jess-Robus/dp/1990962181/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=a+few+slivers+of+light&qid=1628808507&sr=8-1 or by searching a few slivers of light as well as on her website www.jessrobus.com. She can also be found on Instagram as @jess_celestes_musical_mayhem, on YouTube as Jess Celeste's Musical Mayhem, and on Facebook as Jess Robus.