Source: Sophie King, @kingsophiesworld
[Image description: Black embroidery lettering on light pink fabric that says, “WOMEN ARE PUNISHED MORE FOR NOT FORGIVING, THAN MEN ARE FOR DOING WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE. Sophie King”.]
Article by Amelia A. J. Foy
(TW: talk of domestic violence and abuse)
(This article will refer to abuse towards women from men as it references Chris Brown, but abuse is not just between men and women, though statistically men are most commonly the abuser and women the victims in this abuse (speaking in very binary language as the statistics do so). Further, men’s social power means they often do not suffer consequences when they are the abuser. However, all genders can abuse and be abused, and survivors of all genders are affected by the rhetoric discussed in this article.)
Thinking that
those angry at Chris Brown are “spreading negativity” when Chris Brown
literally beats up women is, perhaps, one of the worst takes I have ever seen.
For those of you
blessed enough not to see this mess of an Instagram post, I’ll summarise:
Justin Bieber said Chris Brown is talented, under an image saying he’s a
combination of Michael Jackson and 2PAC. Apparently, we’ll regret overlooking
him once Chris Brown’s dead. I’m not going to imbed the post here because,
frankly, it does not need more traffic, and the comments are filled with
abuse-sympathising celebrities. But the subject matter is important. The
underlying expectation that abusers - especially those with social power, i.e.
rich, famous men - get a free pass on the basis of their talent and proximity
to success makes me feel sick. Men get the benefit of the doubt, and women get
called money-hungry [insert your choice of misogynistic slur here] for even
insinuating a man has abused them.
Hey, Justin
Bieber: I know you’re not exactly known for impeccable decision-making and
morals, but did you ever think while you were pressing “post” on Instagram that
maybe if Chris Brown wasn’t a violent misogynist, people would like him?
All abusive, famous
men need to do to be forgiven is...nothing. Men can be apologetic. They can be
defensive. They can ignore the situation. They can be dead in the ground before
anything comes out. And every situation plays out the same: forgiveness,
boundless forgiveness, from fellow celebrities and their blindsighted fans.
What about the
survivors? What do the survivors get? Scrutiny, further abuse,
re-traumatisation, degradation, slander, and never to you hear these same men
bat an eyelid.
Justin Bieber
wants to talk about people bullying Chris Brown, as if Chris Brown hasn’t literally
abused countless women, including Rihanna but not ending there. You want a
list? Here you go: eight counts dating from 2009 to 2016, laid out and
ready for you to read. But he’s changed so much, hasn’t he? He was just young,
wasn’t he?
Justin Bieber
seems to lack the depth to understand the difference between bullying and
calling someone out; between being attacked and deserving everything you get.
Justin Bieber and all the famous abuse apologists in the comments section will
spout about “positivity” and “uplifting each other” and ignore the countless women
who they are putting down by excusing Chris Brown’s actions.
And yes, it is
excusing them. Not just “forgiving” him, but excusing abusive behaviours
that became public with Rihanna, but continue into recent years. It’s saying:
it’s okay, because he’s talented. It’s okay, because I say it is, and I
say it’s okay because it will never affect me. It’s okay, because he’s my
friend.
Your friend is
an abuser.
And nobody is
owed forgiveness, but abusers especially are not. People who will use their
place in your lives to control you, demean you, manipulate you or physically
hurt you will never be entitled to your forgiveness. No matter how much they
grow and change, the hurt they caused you still happened, and your anger,
sadness, fear and resentment are still valid. It still happened. The
knock-on effects of the abuse still happened. You had to live through
that, and then live through your abuser continuing to thrive. Chris Brown is
not owed shit, Justin, and you have alienated every abuse survivor who could
have possibly supported you.
There is no
conclusion to this except that I am angry. I am angry at people who have so
much influence and use it to uplift disgusting human beings in the name of
bullshit positivity culture. I am angry people don’t care about survivors
because these men will always more valuable due to their proximity to power.
Valued above every single person who has said #MeToo, who has had their
autonomy taken from them, has grown up watching abuse and now sees it
everywhere.