This is about the experiences of people with LGBTQ+ parent(s), and that in itself is radical. Our experience is more talked about than listened to: “Are they ‘well adjusted’?” “Will 'gay marriage' make more of them?” “Should their parents be parents?”
Our experience is different to that of other members of the LGBTQ+ community, but we are a part of that community, regardless of our own sexual or gender identities. And our experience deserves to be listened to, recognised and even celebrated.
Instead our identities are turned into statistics and debates. In this series - The Queerspawn Speaks - I hope to talk about the different aspects of this experience in a way that is multidimensional, positive and negative, but most-importantly true to our lived-experience.
There is nothing I would ever ask to change about my family makeup but I and people like me have sure encountered a great deal of unnecessary comments and questions, from the offensive, to the offensive and ridiculous. You'd be amazed...Said by kids:
- Above: “Your parents are going to get eaten by snakes when they go to hell.”
- “Don’t be like your mums - you’ll be sad all your life.”
- “But your mom can’t be a lesbian. She’s Mexican.”
You might be surprised to know I don’t feel abused by my parent(s):
- Above: “Are you well adjusted?” (thank you random stranger on the train)
- (MTF trans dad) “How can you still talk to your dad when he abandoned you?”
That’s not how it works:
- Above: “Which one is the dad in the relationship?
- “Do you love your bio dad more?”
- “Have you ever wanted a father?”
- “Is one of them your grandpa?
- (Adopted)”But like where is your *real* mom?”
That’s REALLY not how it works:
- Above: “Were you born out of two vaginas at the same time?”
Initiation into the cult of Gay Lifestyle™:
[Image description: Cult gathering with "Homos" flag in centre]
- “Did your parents try to force you to be gay?”
- “Does that mean you’re gay?”
- “So since you’re straight, is your brother gay?”
- “So you’re a lesbian too right?”
*There are lots of people with LGBTQ+ parents who identify as LGBTQ+ themselves, but it’s not because our parents made us that way. Shout out to my second-gen babes!
- Above: “Your parents kiss in front of you? That’s disgusting!”
- “Artificial insemination is disgusting”
Thank you so so much to COLAGE Facebook group for their contributions - Emilie, Devan, Victoria, Shir, Cori Bratby-Rudd, everyone who wished not to be named and everyone who took the time to share their stories with us! Power to everyone who has to deal with these comments and questions.
We would love to hear more of your stories (and maybe how you responded - serious or funny)in the comments below!