What It Means To Lose Yourself

what it means to lose yourself ; from my perspective
it is to open your eyes and watch the your environment go from being black and white
to a sad shade of grey
it is to see the look in your parents eyes
the disappointment instead of admiration
to hear the ignorance spewing from their lips
as you finally realize they are not the heroes you once thought they were
the heroes they claim to be
to lose yourself is to realize
that your blood doesn't have to make an appearance for your eyes to spill
it is to go against everything your parents have fed to you
and look at the people you weren't supposed to see
it is to become like the people you weren't supposed to see
to lose yourself is when every positive word becomes nothing
it is to physically feel yourself changing
and to be scared about it
to lose yourself is to leave your journal out in the open
because you want someone to read it
and ask you if you're okay
if you need to talk
how you're doing
it is to look at your reflection and watch your eyes well with tears
it is to stop yourself from hitting every wall, every mirror
it is to prefer the feeling of the bathroom floor
than your own bed
losing yourself is a slow process
a never ending process
It is to always be lost
but to find yourself
is to realize that sometimes
to smile too much and laugh too hard
is the easiest way to cope