A History

you were born eyes closed, blinking back billions of neurons that ricocheted behind calcifying tenderness
they outnumber the stars in your galaxy

ten fingers probed the air around you already searching for a reason
if left empty handed,
heart learning to beat on its own,
you would begin the lifelong process of shrinking into yourself

years later you cried when you read the words "you deserve to take up space"

you began painting against your skin until you saw sunset
every day for two years you waited for the sun to set
but the darker the nights the brighter the stars burn
and, my god, you learned to burn

sick of choking on ebony, you lit a match
flares from your soul licked their way up the wicks of your veins
into eyes that erupted
they could no longer thrive without light
hands shaking turned into hands shattering, hands creating, hands playing god
they will not rest again
you will never feel sorry for this

you are the aftermath of the big bang
the child of becoming
dont let anyone lie and call you stardust
you are not the ashes of what once was
you are the sun