Social Anxiety Diary

I'm sitting in the waiting area of the biometrics office waiting to hear my number called. I'm not nervous this time. Two years ago I sat here for the first time and I remember almost crying because I was so terrified of doing official government paperwork. But today I feel so powerful, I did everything by myself, my parents just drove me here.

It's Easter and I'm at the park. I was hanging out with my younger cousins earlier. I don't know why I feel so insecure now. This is so pathetic, I should be intimidating them. I'm gonna go sit in the car until we leave. I bet no one is gonna come looking for me... I was right.

I bet he thinks I'm boring, I bet he thinks I'm boring, I bet he thinks I'm boring. I'm so much cooler online. He's never gonna want to hang out again. Shit, I haven't paid attention to anything he just said. I'm such a horrible person.

I called the pharmacy because my mom told me to ask about her prescription, everything went well. Except my over analysis about a dumb phone call. Did she think my voice was shaky? Was I polite enough? Was I supposed to tell her to have a nice day?

“Porque no puedes ser normal?” My mom’s voice repeats itself in my head and each time I hear it I don’t know whether to feel sad or angry. I feel like I'm melting. I just turn up the music and hope I don’t have to speak for the rest of the day.