Reminder to Oneself

Journal Entry
Things to Remind Oneself

Source: cwote
Written by: Jazmine Alcon

I've been struggling with school lately. For anyone who's a junior or who has been a junior, all of you know the hell I am experiencing right now. I've always done, well, effortlessly in school, getting straight A's easily without so much as blinking. The transition from sophomore year to junior year has been, not only vastly different, but a harsh wake up call to what is yet to come. Things went from a smooth ride to a sudden crash into a concrete wall that wasn't there before. 

I've been swimming under piles of homework, papers, and tests to study for. I've worked myself until I felt my bones slowly breaking. I forgot what it meant to really take care of myself, physically and mentally. I skipped meals unknowingly in fear that I wouldn't get to study enough or finish my school work. I've stayed up until the wee hours of the night, disregarding my droopy eyes as my pencil moved furiously against the paper. I've forgotten the fact that I was human for these past few months, capable of hunger, exhaustion, pain, and frustration. I've taken the form of a robot for the school system to attain unattainable standards from reading 8-10 hours a week, making flashcards, and to writing papers. Not to mention the amount of studying I must do for, more commonly, two tests in one day. 

The dreams of getting into a good college, landing my dream job, and having a stable life all flew out of the window once my hands got a little too full and everything spilled onto the tiled kitchen floor. Too often, we bite off more than we can chew. We try to do anything and everything in an attempt to prove that we are the best, that we are meant to be great. To show our "greatness" we ignore all our necessities as people and work ourselves to the point where we break. We live in a society where it is glorified to get 4 hours of sleep and live on caffeine. We praise people for their lack of sleep and unhealthy diet. We forget what we need as people in order to reach success, so we lose our humanity in the way. 

It's hard for me to get bad grades, because honestly I'm just not the type of person who typically does. These past few months of my junior year has left a big red mark on my cheek as I try to take in the amount of work and effort and time management (which I'm still trying to work on) just to get by. It's taking me little by little to realize that all of these things--the bad grades, the not understanding, the difficulty to keep up--is okay. All of it is okay; it's normal for me, as a young person who's not used to this work load, to freak out for a good hour or so. It's okay to get bad grades because believe it or not, bad grades will happen no matter how smart you are.You will not be able to understand everything presented to you at the moment and it may take you longer to grasp than others around you and that's completely okay. You're on your own track to success, remember that. As much as school and college is a competitive environment, your biggest enemy is yourself. 

More difficult days are still to come but because of the hard hitting storm I am walking through right now, I feel like I am ready. I have learned more about myself and my capabilities and how far stretched they truly are. I've realized that the mentality of "I can't do it" just won't do it, so I've kept going. I've held down the fort and while I have found that it may crumble at times, I can always rebuild it, in a fashion where each castle I build is better and far stronger than the last. This journey is never ending and it will get tiring, but it's best to keep in mind that I am made for this, we all are.

Try to be a better you. You know you can be a better student and if you are already doing your best, keep doing your best. If you're buggin' out like I was (and still am), just take a breather. Turn off your phone, your TV, your computer, and even maybe delete your social media apps (for a good week or so) just to catch a break. Give yourself time away from everything causing the wrinkles on your forehead and the frown on your lips. You're going to survive, I know you will. Be determined and work as hard as you can. You might not always reach the results you want, even if you work hard (learned this the hard way this weekend by getting a 76 on my midterm despite the 2 whole days dedicated to locking myself in my room and studying) and that's okay. Learn from your mistakes. Manage your time better. Study in groups (it's been scientifically proven to work better than studying by yourself! Just make sure you and your pals aren't goofin' off, like my mom said!). Ask for help. And most importantly, don't be afraid to fail. That's how you learn, quite honestly. No matter how big the dent is in your heart from failing, I assure you time and better knowledge for the future will inflate your tiny important little heart again. Just make sure to keep it beating and make sure to keep breathing.