Let's Talk About: Asexuality

Photo by AVENWiki

"Isn't asexuality when people are in love with themselves?"

Asexuality is one of the most misunderstood sexualities, and it's time that people finally know what it is. To sum up, it's the lack of sexual attraction. It's a spectrum-you can be sex-repulsed, open to having sex, etc. Asexuality, similar to being gay, bisexual, pansexual, is not a choice, unlike celibacy. Asexuals can still want a relationship and marriage.

If my experience as an asexual was a song title, it'd be "Why is Everyone So Horny? ft. Sex is weird".

Living in a sex-driven society as an asexual is confusing, sometimes uncomfortable, and mostly awkward. Realizing I was asexual was a process. There was no sudden moment of, "Oh shit, I think I'm asexual." It was more so lots of "Sex? Why bother? These relationships usually end in heartbreak anyways. I'd rather make myself a smoothie bowl." Then followed by, "Wait. Why do all of my friends really want sex and I don't?" And finally, "I heard of this asexual thing...Could I be asexual?"

"For every asexual that wants a relationship, for every asexual that does not want a relationship, for every asexual who has not yet come to terms with their identity, for every asexual who was told we were abnormalities, for every asexual who was told we just weren’t doing sex right, that we needed a good fucking, that we needed to be drunk, that we needed to relax, that we needed to be raped.

We need representation, and we need visibility.

That is why the A needs to stand for Asexual, and never for Ally."-tumblr user defira85

Being asexual is a never ending process of not knowing what to do. When my friend confessed to me, "I think I want to lose my virginity. There's this guy who I want to do it with. I mean, he's so fucking hot. What do you think?" every fiber of my body told me to run. When people talk about how far this girl "has gone" or "He's a guy. Any guy's going to want to fuck", I want to be lost. When I hear, "Isn't asexuality when people are in love with themselves?", I want to run and never look back.

"Asexuality is growing up under the assumption you are a late bloomer, and then the assumption you are broken.
Asexuality is learning the word and still being afraid to define yourself as asexual because how can you say you don’t feel something you don’t even understand.
Asexuality is coming out to people and having them laugh and tell you ‘when you find the one’.
Asexuality is trying to enter spaces that promise acceptance and being told ‘but you’re straight’.
Asexuality is trying to enter a relationship, worried that if you tell them they won’t give you a chance and worried if you don’t, you’re just leading them on 

Asexuality is living in a culture that finds sex so vital half the world revolves around it, and never understanding.
Asexuality is being told you have it easy, so often you doubt any of your problems are real.

So no. It’s not easy.

Asexuality is coming to realize later in life that all the times you said ‘they’re hot!’ to your friends, you had utterly different concepts in mind and no frame of reference to realize they were at odds."-tumblr user marymorstanlies

If you are asexual or think you might be, I want to tell you that it's okay. Anyone who doesn't value you because of your sexuality is not worth your time. You are valid.

You are worth being loved.