DEAR DIARY




Collage by Pris

Dearest Diary,
The first time I told someone I was bi, it was 8 at night, and I was going to the movies with my dad. I needed someone on my side. I was tired of fighting ignorant comments made by loved ones, about bisexuality, alone. They didn't know they were hurting my feelings, considering I had never told them. But, since I initiated the conversation about my sexuality that night with my dad, my whole family has become more educated and supportive. So, I turned down the radio, looked at my dad, and said "I'm bi." He told me he was proud of me, and that was that. 

It took me another two months to feel ready enough to tell my mom. I was watching TV, looked to my dad and told him I was ready to talk to my mom. Together we walked upstairs, sat on her bed, and I confessed to her that I liked girls. I explained my bisexuality to her, nervously. She was initially confused, due to the fact that she grew up in a strict Christian conservative family, but assured me that she loved me no matter what and would support me. I was incredibly relieved to have opened up her. Knowing I have her unconditional support means the world to me.

The third time I came out to someone, it was via text to my oldest sister. I asked her if my mom had already told her I that I liked girls, and she said yes. My sister has always supported me and has always been the first person I go to for advice. Having already been accepted by the three most important people in my life, I began to feel more confident and comfortable knowing I was staying true to myself. Later that month, I asked my sister advice before coming out to my best friend.

My friend and I went to our favorite restaurant for a milkshake, just like we did every Friday. Nervously, I sparked up a conversation about heteronormativity and the fact that so many people are skeptical of people when they come out. I noted how misinformed I thought it was that whenever someone comes out, all of their peers automatically assume that they have a crush on them. Thankfully, my friend agreed with me on this subject. I sighed in relief before saying, "Thank God you said that, because I'm super bi." She was definitely a bit surprised but was thrilled I trusted her enough to open up. I was afraid she was going to be mad, and that I would have to find a new place to live, but she was quite the opposite. Now I could not be more happy that I told her. 

So, today is National Coming Out Day. Last night I spent hours contemplating whether or not I should come out to everyone. I know the world is an increasingly accepting place, and that my true friends and family will support me, but there is still something nerve wracking about putting it out there for everyone to read. I am in no way ashamed of my sexuality, and would be happy for everyone to know, but every time I am about to come out, I get too nervous. 

Frequently, people erase bisexuality and pansexuality, saying that its "fake." They falsely assume that people only come out as bi or pansexual because they are too afraid to come out as gay, or only do it for attention. These sorts of comments are what keep people like me from completely expressing how they feel.

Every day I am thankful to be supported by my friends and family. I know they may still have questions about my sexuality, but their continuous support fills my heart with pride every day. Sure, there will always be people who dislike me for who I am, but I will always stay true to myself no matter what.

Love,
Claire

3 comments:

  1. this touched my heart. what an inspiration! so proud of you Claire! YES SLAY!!!

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  2. great story. you are lucky to have a good support system

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