Dear Diary: Jinny Lee

A diary entry on coming out by reader Jinny Lee.

Jinny Lee, 14
Instagram: @kittykittens

I came out today, October 11th 2015 because I’ve dreamt of it my whole life. The 2015-16 school year  was going to be my year, and it really started to feel that way. For the first 3 hours post coming out (via instagram) I was embraced by loving messages of support from all my friends. I was on a high from all the news and I couldn’t have been happier knowing everyone had my back. But the more likes, comments, and texts I started getting, the more uncomfortable I got. People I haven’t talked to in years, all my ex-friends, and random people from school started to talk about me, and to me. The more positive the message was, the shittier I felt. I tried to explain these feelings to my friends, but they all brushed me off- “Everyone is just happy for you! You should be grateful this school is as accepting as they are.” I couldn’t feel that way, It felt like everyone was just excited to tell all their friends that wow! someone in their grade was an actual real life queer person. For years I was unnoticed, I was the girl that ate lunch with her three friends on the floor of the gym. I was the girl that everyone could slyly make fun of because she was easy and so contradicting to anything normal. My phone buzzed non stop for the next 5 hours. “We’re in a group chat talking about how proud we are of you” “I love you no matter what, remember that god loves everybody” “You remind me of my other friend- he was pansexual too” Suddenly I was this courageous, incredible person and never have I ever been described like so from these people. Information passed so fast and suddenly everyone was writing essay long captions inspired by me on today’s society and how everyone should be more accepting. It’s funny because these were all the people that didn’t even bother stopping by any of the activist club stands. None of these people knew me, but they’re in love with the idea of me- and that’s all that matters to them. I can’t face the school, I can’t walk the halls to class. Who is the person they expect to see when I walk down the halls? Why am I a different person now from the person they knew since elementary. Why is it that my sexual orientation is the one thing that’s bonding them to me?