by Edythe Nepomuceno
I have felt that you have screwed me over in the sense that whenever I run my hands over this unexplored territory, I have felt only gravel & disappointment, which is to say that I have not felt my own hips without hating its geography. I am truly sorry for these failed expeditions. Here's to more fruitful exploration.
For the past couple of months, I have harassed you with the scent of wild Madagascar vanilla body wash. I have been scrubbing away at myself, trying to shrink into something smaller than soap suds & hoping that the manufactured smell will somehow take my place. Next time, I promise I will leave you with lavender and not loss.
I feel that I have the most apologies saved up for you; for the lack of taste I have left you & also for the acid taste that comes up my throat less than a half hour after most meals. Like I told Smell, I am trying to shrink myself, but I cannot shrink the need for nourishment. I am sorry for leaving you with nothing but empty promises. I am trying to leave you with something more savory - and will last through the night.
the violent sobs you have heard are far from symphonies. My nightly ode to the numbness in my soul is not exactly a Billboard 100. The vocal chords in my throat are stuck in minor & they are often worn out. I have yet to restring & re-tune, but I promise that soon I will write you an overture more beautiful than Tchaikovsky.
I am not sorry for the view in the mirror. I am only sorry that I have forced you to become a distorted frosted looking glass. Some days I turn you into a kaleidoscope that sees all the flaws multiplied like a fly's eye. But if you have ever seen a jewel through the same view, you will know how beautiful it is. I am sorry for the myopic mindset. I am trying to bring you clarity. One day I will teach you to appreciate what you see in the mirror like you used to.
art by Izzy Cichy